facilitated by Richard Anton Diaz
The social customs that guide the roles and functions of men and women vary greatly from group to group, like recipes and spices. But across all cultures, there are some things that nourish love and other things that damage it. When two people join in a partnership, each brings a model for partnership and for the roles and functions of men and women based on the values of his or her family of origin, and they both fol- low these rules, patterns, and norms out of habit. They feel good when they follow these old patterns even if the patterns are destruc- tive, and they feel guilty if they abandon them for new ones, even if the new ones are better. For love to succeed, it is often necessary for partners to rise above the dictates of the conscience binding them to their reference groups.
Willpower alone cannot create equilibrium in a relationship that allows love to thrive. As Bert Hellinger says, “To gain insight into the Orders of Love is wisdom. To follow them with love is humility.”
Forces that constrain love in intimate relationships are invisible to the naked eye. We need to amplify our powers of perception. In order to experience the underlying forces and make visible the normally hidden dynamics operating in relationship systems, we make use of Family Constellations created and evolved by Bert Hellinger.